


Talk Less, Smile More

by GinnyK



Series: The World Turned Upside Down [8]
Category: Bull (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Light Angst, Marissa's pissed, post ep s03e04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 13:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16368488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: Post ep for Justice for Cable.  Marissa confronts Bull about his recent behavior.





	Talk Less, Smile More

Word of the verdict came to the War Room via Bull’s voice through the coms.  It was over.  The jury had sided with the plaintiff and two minutes later the defendant was under arrest.  The War Room broke out into a restrained cheer which quickly turned to tears.  Alex, who had been standing next to Marissa with his own com in his ear, stepped aside, suddenly feeling out of place.  Everyone else in the room had known Cable and this trial had been very personal.  He vaguely remembered seeing her in the office on the day he interviewed with Bull and Marissa but he never had a chance to meet her.

He pulled the com out when he realized he could no longer hear Bull in his ear.  With everyone gathered together around Marissa and Danny he took the opportunity to make his way back to his desk. On the way his text alert went off and he pulled the phone out of his pocket, pretty sure it was Bull who was texting him.  It was.

_JB-how are things there?_

_AG-a strange mixture of cheering and tears.  I just left the war room.  Feeling a little out of place._

_JB-understood.  How’s Marissa?_

_AG-I think she’s okay.  You on your way back?_

_JB-yeah, be there soon._

Alex took a glance at his email and checked both his and Bull’s phone messages.  Nothing urgent for either of them, which made him feel good.  He had a feeling Bull would be a little out of sorts when he got back from the courthouse.  Which would be perfectly understandable given all that had happened during the trial.

“Hey Alex, he on his way back?” Marissa asked casually as she stopped by his desk.

“Yeah soon, he just texted,” Alex answered vaguely.  He was well aware of the tension between Marissa and Bull during the trial. This trial didn’t have them on opposite sides like the last one, but Bull’s chosen coping skills during the whole trial didn’t quite sit well with Marissa, or Alex for that matter.  More than once Alex felt like he didn’t do enough to send Bull home at a reasonable hour, keep him from the liquor cabinet or shove some healthy food into him.

Alex had tried to talk to Marissa about his feelings a few times but it became clear she was a little too angry to give him any assurance he was doing a good job.  Trying to toe some kind of line between the two of them was becoming a familiar part of his day.  He adored both of them, which made it difficult at times but deep down his loyalty lie with Bull and Marissa knew that.

“How’s his schedule for the rest of the afternoon?” she asked as she took a seat in the chair next to Alex’s desk and picked up his fidget spinner.  Andy had given it to him and it stayed in a place of honor on Alex’s desk.  Pretty much everyone who sat in the chair picked it up.  Bull messed with it so many times that Alex just picked one up for him to keep on his desk.

“Not too busy.  A few phone calls to return.  Need some time with him?” Alex asked, trying not to get worried.  It wasn’t too often that Marissa formally scheduled time with Bull and when she did, things usually didn’t end well.

“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know,” she sighed.  “Does he have any idea how….how….”

“How pissed you are at him?” Alex said, quietly completing her thought.  Marissa just shook her head as she flicked the spinner.  “I think he has some idea that neither of us are exactly pleased with some of his recent behaviors,” Alex said with a grin.

“Good,” Marissa snorted.

“How about we let him relax for a little while when he gets back, maybe eat something and then he’s all yours?” Alex offered.

“Sounds good.  And you’ll help hide the body later, if it comes to that?” she asked with a grin of her own as she stood up.

“Of course,” Alex teased as he picked up his cell phone to check the text he just received.

_JB-What’s my schedule like for the afternoon?_

_AG-few phone calls to return and Marissa wants to talk to you._

_JB-I’m guessing that’s not work related_

_AG-good guess_

_JB-pissed?_

_AG-yes and concerned too.  Both of us are_

_JB-I know, thank you.  Any suggestions?_

_AG-talk less, smile more_

_JB-Nice, a Hamilton quote for every occasion._

_AG-I try._

Alex headed to the kitchen to grab himself some lunch.  He ate at the counter talking to a few of the tech people he’d become friends with over the past few months.  He heard the elevator chime and a smattering of applause, letting him know Bull and Benny had returned.  They came into the kitchen to grab food.  He made small talk with both of them as they ate. 

“Well, I’m sure I have work to do, or a nap to take,” Bull muttered as he headed for his office, grabbing a bottle of iced tea from the fridge on the way.  Alex made himself a cup of coffee, hoping Bull would just sit on the couch and relax for a few minutes as he was supposed to do after lunch.

Alex peeked into Bull’s office.  Much to his surprise, his boss was on the couch with his feet up, glasses pushed up on the top of his head.  He waved the younger man in.

“Hey,” Bull muttered as he put his glasses back where they belonged.

“You need anything?” Alex asked as he leaned against one of the chairs. 

Bull just answered with a nod of his head.  Alex hesitated for a minute before quietly taking a seat in the chair opposite Bull.

“How much of an apology do I owe you?” Bull asked.

“Not much.  You’re a grown man, I can’t make you leave on time or take care of yourself.  I try my best but these past couple weeks it doesn’t seem like I’ve done that great of a job,” Alex said simply.

“Alex, please don’t think that way. I am, as Marissa is fond of saying , “a grown ass man”.  I will take responsibility for my own actions and my own choices, poor as they may be lately.  You’ve done nothing but be supportive and helpful through all of this.  I’m the one who owes you an apology.  I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.  Now, I suggest you look like you’re resting for a little while longer.  If you don’t, I imagine Marissa will be in here any minute now.”

“Or I could actually rest,” Bull spit out bitterly as he pulled his glasses back off and rubbed at his eyes.

“Even better.  You need some Advil?” Alex asked.

“Please,” Bull answered as he kicked his shoes off and stretched out on the couch.  Alex got him the pills and left him alone.

*****

Much to Alex’s surprise Bull did sleep for half an hour or so.  He did a little post mortem on the case with Benny and made himself a cup of coffee before returning his phone calls.

“See if Marissa is available,” he called through the open door.

“Okay,” Alex called back, wondering for probably the 100th time why Bull chose to bellow instead of just using the phone.

Alex had to drop a file off to Chunk so he just stopped by Marissa’s office on the way.

“He’s free if you want to go on over,” Alex said as he stuck his head in her office.

“How is he?” she asked, despite trying not to care.

“He ate, took some Advil, slept for a while and he’s currently caffeinating himself.  So this is probably  your best opportunity,” he teased.

“I’m not going to blindside him, am I?” she asked as she slipped her own shoes back on and stood up.

“No, you’re not.  I think he’s fully prepared to take whatever you’re going to say.”

“Quiet and resigned, not sure how I feel about that either,” she muttered, more to herself than Alex.

“I’ll be around if either of you need anything,” Alex said as he pushed off the doorjamb and headed for Chunk’s office.

*****

Marissa gave a little knock on the door and walked in without bothering to wait for an invitation.  She’d never waited for one and she wasn’t about to start to at that moment.

Bull was sitting at his desk reading something in a folder in front of him.  He glanced at Marissa over the tops of his glasses silently acknowledging her presence.  He wisely put the folder aside, pushing his glasses up as she came into the room.  She stood for a few seconds, waiting to see if he got up and moved out front behind his desk.  He didn’t deciding maybe a barrier between them wouldn’t be a bad idea.  He motioned for her to take a seat in the chair in front of the desk.

Marissa eyed him for a few seconds, both to get her thoughts together and to assess what kind of mood he was in.  He looked tired and if she had to guess, the Advil hadn’t quite done its job on his headache.  He also looked like someone who wasn’t in the mood to fight, which scared her more than anything.

“So, whatever you have to say, just say it.  I’m just going to listen,” he whispered as he leaned forward, propping his chin up in his hand.

“Well, to be honest, I’m both pissed and concerned.  At this moment I’m not sure which feeling is winning.  I’m leaning towards pissed,” she snorted.  Bull just nodded his acceptance of the situation.  “Since we decided to go to trial with Cable’s mom, we have, and by “we” I mean “you”, slid back into some old habits, some annoying and others I would consider dangerous.”  She took a deep breath and looked at Bull who seems completely willing to still there quietly and listen to her.  “Let’s start with the merely annoying and move on from there, shall we?”

“By all means,” Bull snorted, showing some emotion for the first time since Marissa had arrived.

“Since you started back to work I don’t think you’ve called or texted after 10:00 PM and it’s been glorious.  Boundaries are a wonderful thing.  And yet last week, there you were, not only calling at 2:00 AM but showing up unannounced at my place.”

“And yet you let me in,” Bull spit out, unable to sit quietly any longer.

“Yes Jason, I did.  And I’m still kicking myself for that.  I could have sent you away and to be honest, if it hadn’t been about Cable, I probably would have done just that.  I share the responsibility for that incident.  Could have been handled better by both of us.  We’re just going to move on from that.”

“Moving on to dangerous things,” he guessed, using air quotes when he said dangerous, quickly realizing that was not the best thing he could have done.

Marissa took a deep breath to try and ignore his actions.  She pushed herself to her feet and walked behind the desk, looking out the window. Bull wisely stayed where he was, facing away from her.  “When you were home recovering we had many conversations about certain aspects of your life which needed to change.  Together we came to an understanding about certain rules, certain changes.  Many of which were your idea.  So when I see you backsliding, for lack of a better phrase, it both annoys me and scares me. I know you; one drink quite easily leads to many more.  Forget the fact you’re not supposed to be drinking with the medication you’re taking.   It’s a dangerous path and you know it, Jason.”

“I do know it,” Bull said quietly as he turned his chair around so he could face her.  He propped his feet up on the window ledge, next to Marissa who was sitting on the ledge with her arms folded across he chest.

“And before you say it, yes, you did drink at my house in the middle of the night.  But you poured the drink when I went to use the bathroom and at 2 AM I barely had the energy to deal with you at all, forget about fighting with you.  I can assure you that will not happen again,” she said with an edge to her voice that Bull had not heard in a very long time.

Heading Alex’s advise to talk less, he just nodded.

“Like I’ve said before, I can’t pretend to know what’s going on in that head of yours.  But right now I can tell you that you would not like what’s going on in mine.”

“I’m sure I wouldn’t,” he whispered, barely loud enough for Marissa to hear him.  He took a deep breath as he felt his emotional control slipping just a little.  A few weeks earlier he’d talked to his doctor and was given a script for something he could for anxiety on an _as needed_ basis.  He didn’t take it very often but he was wishing he’d thought to take one earlier, knowing this conversation would end up in a very unpleasant place. 

Marissa seemed to have lost a little steam as she pushed herself away from the window and started to pace the room.  Bull turned his chair around and spied the pill bottle sticking out of the outside pocket of his backpack which was sitting on the couch.  He weighted his options, not take a pill, ask Marissa to leave while he took one or just suck it up and take one.

He went with option 3, silently standing up to grab the bottle and shake one into his hand, swallowing it with the last of his iced tea.  He did this without a word to Marissa or even a glance in her direction.  Of course, she saw him take it but she said nothing.  She let him pace as she went to the liquor cabinet and removed the whiskey.  The other few bottles weren’t anything he really drank so she left them.  She waved the bottle at him and he nodded as she went into his bathroom and dumped the rest down the sink. 

“So we’ve dealt with that habit.  What about the rest?  Anything to say for yourself?” Marissa asked.

“Marissa, I know you too well. There is nothing I can say right now to explain my actions.  Yes, I’ve done a crappy job these last few weeks with following your rules, sorry our rules.  I spent a few nights in my office, I didn’t eat right.  I ignored the concerns of both you and Alex.”

“Yes, you did,” she agreed quickly.

“Where does this leave us?” he asked, not sure he really wanted to know the answer to his question.

“It’s not about us, it’s about you and your hellbent desire to run yourself into the ground, Jason.”

“Yeah,” Bull muttered as he tossed his glasses on the desk before bracing his hands on the edge of the desk, leaning over a little.

 “I’m at the point where my renewed admiration of you is wavering, to be honest,” Marissa admitted as she sat down in the corner of the couch, curling up as much as possible. 

Bull moved to the window, resting his forehead against the cool glass.  He didn’t say anything, he was out of things to say. His hands were shaking so he shoved them in his pants pockets. He struggled to take some deep breaths and center himself a bit.  Marissa watched him, doing her best to remain where she was on the couch.  But when Bull turned around and all but slid down to sit on the floor she propelled herself off the couch and knelt down in front of him. She reached to undo his tie and pull it loose. 

Alex appeared in the doorway a few seconds later, having just taken a minute to glance through the glass to check on them.  “What do you need?” he asked, surveying the situation. 

“Uh, how about a can of ginger ale and the throw from the couch,” Marissa answered as she glanced over her shoulder.  Alex tossed her the blanket and went to the kitchen.  Marissa sat down in front of him, throwing the blanket over her lap as her dress was short and it didn’t really lend itself to sitting crossed legged on the floor.  She ran her fingers through his hair and slowly rubbed her thumbs over his temples, whispering for him to try and slow down his breathing a bit.  Alex came in with the ginger ale and a concerned look on his face.  He handed the can to Marissa and hesitated for a second before kneeling next to his boss. 

“This is not part of your job description,” Bull muttered as he drank some of the soda.

“Well, there are parts of my job description that are a bit vague,” Alex teased a little. 

“True,” both Marissa and Bull replied with a laugh.

The three of them sat on the floor for a while, saying very little.  Eventually Marissa stood up and Bull let Alex pull him to his feet. Marissa went to use the bathroom while Alex stood next to his boss for a minute, until he felt sure enough that Bull wasn’t about to end up back on the floor.  After Marissa came out of the bathroom he went in to splash some water on his face.

Alex returned to him desk, leaving the two of them alone to finish their conversation

Bull sat down on the couch next to Marissa.  He leaned over, elbows on his knees.  She reached out her hand twice without touching him, finally the third time she dropped her hand on his shoulder. He reached up with his opposite hand to grab her hand for a second.

“I honestly don’t know what else to say.  You know how I feel about your recent choices and you know how I feel about you in general.  Jason, what happens next has got to be up to you.”

“I know,” he whispered quietly. “I want you to know that what happened a little while ago, my ending up on the floor wasn’t, I wasn’t faking that to get out of talking to you.”

Marissa pulled her hand quickly off his back.  His comment took her completely off guard.  She reached out to hook a finger under his chin so she could look him in the eye.  “Jason, I never for a second thought that you were faking anything.  You wouldn’t do that to me.”  He nodded and gave her a weak smile.  “Vistaril starting to kick in?” she asked.  He was shaking less and wasn’t quite so pale.

“Yeah, I think so,” he muttered.  “I know that the ball is my proverbial court.  And I also know my recent actions and decisions have probably not exactly made you feel good about your decision to stay here at TAC.”

“That’s an understatement,” she muttered, more to herself than Bull.  But he certainly heard her loud and clear.  “I’m going back to work.  I think I need some time to just, just work.”

“I understand,” Bull whispered.  “It’ll be nothing but business between us, if that’s what you need or want.”

“It is.  And thank you.”

Marissa slipped her shoes back on and left the room quietly, without her usual glance back over her shoulder.  She gave Alex a sad smile as she passed his desk.

*****

Alex gave his boss a few minutes alone.  He wrapped up his own work, packed his backpack and sent a quick text to his mom, letting her know he would probably be late.

He went into Bull’s office.  Bull was in the bathroom so he had a minute to shut down his computer, pack his backpack.

He set the backpack on one of the side chairs and took a seat on the arm of the chair.  A few more minutes passed by and he was just about to knock on the bathroom door and make sure Bull was okay when the door opened and his boss appeared, pale and wiping a hand over his face.

“Puked?”

“No, close call.  I guess I’m heading home now,” he said, pointing to his backpack.

“Yep, car’s waiting downstairs, let’s go,” Alex said as he stood up and headed to grab his own backpack.  Bull hoped Alex would just deposit him in his car and head for Port Authority and his bus home to his family.

For the first time all afternoon, luck was on his side.

Bull went home, took a shower and ate some leftover rice from the Chinese food he’d ordered the night before.  He watched television for a little while and then tried to read. When the words began to swim on the page he took a sleeping pill and curled up in bed, rehashing the conversation with Marissa in his head.  She was right, he was back to heading down a slippery and dangerous slope.  And changing his behavior was up to him and him alone.


End file.
